Even fell in love with someone? Feels addictive, right? Well, it actually maybe an addiction.
In the academic sector, love addiction is often referred to as codependency. Love addiction is basically about the emotional high that comes from romantic love (Gori et al., 2023; Salicetia, 2015). Think of it as being hooked on love itself—being obsessed, overly dependent, and deeply immersed in a relationship, even when it’s clearly messing with your mental health (Cash & Tavares, 2014).
Romantic bonds can mimic the same kind of chemical grip that substance addiction has (Hormes et al., 2014). For example, staying emotionally attached to a toxic, manipulative, or even abusive partner can still count as love addiction (Hernandez et al., 2024).
Is Love Addiction Real?
Yes, the evidence suggests it might be. Stanton Peele. Peele (1975, 1981, 1988) defines addiction not just as chemical dependency but as any compulsive relationship that monopolizes attention and satisfaction, diminishing one’s ability to engage in other meaningful aspects of life.
Researchers have noted that romantic bonds can mimic the same kind of chemical grip that substance addiction has (Hormes et al., 2014). For example, staying emotionally attached to a toxic, manipulative, or even abusive partner can still count as love addiction (Hernandez et al., 2024).
What is It Like Being a Love Addict?
People in love are willing to prioritize anything and anyone above the person they love. This is common knowledge. This sort of behavior is a classic example of extreme dependency or codependency.
Peele (1975, 1981, 1988) noted that codependent individuals, i.e. people in love, often exhibit:
- Excessive fear of abandonment
- An overwhelming need for approval
- A distorted sense of responsibility for others’ well-being
- Difficulty setting personal boundaries
These behaviors lead them to prioritize others’ needs to the detriment of their own. Isn’t that EXACTLY what happens in addiction (substance use)? For people in love, the person they are obsessed with becomes the sole source of self-worth and meaning (Peele, 1988). These people will prefer the intense emotional or material connections at the expense of everything else—mental peace, job stability, finances, and even legal standing (Frascella et al., 2010).
Does it Ever Fade?
As much as you’d like to hear that it doesn’t, love actually does fade. This extreme obsession with someone doesn’t always remain the same. Studies have shown that early-relationship obsession tends to fade. What’s interesting is that the more obsessed you are early on with someone the more likely it is that relationship satisfaction in the long haul will be low. And, as you may have guessed, women show more stalking behaviors linked to love addiction (Purcell et al., 2001).
Is Love Addiction an Attachment Issue?
Attachment theory tells us that how we bonded with our caregivers as kids still shapes how we handle close relationships as adults. There are two common forms of insecure attachment: attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance (Feeney & Noller, 1990).
Attachment Anxiety:
People with attachment anxiety often feel unsure of their partner’s love, constantly crave reassurance, and fear being abandoned (Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). They might seem clingy or emotionally intense—always needing validation, always checking in, always a little on edge.
Attachment Avoidance:
Attachment avoidance shows up as emotional distance. These folks tend to resist closeness, downplay feelings, and keep things surface-level. They value independence so much that vulnerability feels unsafe (Feeney & Collins, 2001). They’re less likely to express emotional needs and more likely to withdraw when things get intimate.
These insecure patterns—especially anxious attachment—are strongly tied to love addiction (Gori et al., 2022; Wedekind et al., 2013). Emotional dysregulation is the link here. When emotions are tough to manage, people might latch onto relationships (or substances) just to feel better in the moment (Liese et al., 2020).
Over time, this back-and-forth between addiction and attachment difficulties can become a cycle, reinforcing itself (Thorberg & Lyvers, 2006). In fact, studies on alcohol use show that people with insecure maternal attachment often face more severe mental health struggles and can’t communicate their emotions well—suggesting that poor attachment not only leads to addiction but also worsens it (De Rick & Vanheule, 2007).
Who’s More Likely to Fall in “Addictive” Love?
You might have seen that some people just have a stronger need to rely on others. When these people get into romantic relationships, they are too clingy. It’s there way of emotional survival. When the clinginess gets out of hand, it leads to unhealthy patterns—like codependency and compulsive love behaviors (Orbach, 1990; Whitfield, 1991). Such people are highly likely to report anxiety and attachment issues. This sabotages their self-esteem which leads to intense relationship turmoil (Zuroff & Fitzpatrick, 1995; McBride et al., 2006).
Being clingy and dependent is not too bad though. A healthy amount of it can also play a crucial role in fostering intimacy and trust (Bornstein & Bowen, 1995). When there’s a balanced give-and-take, dependency supports healthy caregiving and emotional connection (Feeney & Collins, 2001).
The problem with love addiction is that such dependency spirals into a need for validation and emotional regulation through others, rather than through healthy self-reflection or growth (Gori et al., 2023).
Love Addiction Maybe a Coping Strategy?
Wright and Wright (1991) view love addiction and codependency as an adjustive relational strategy rather than a fixed personality disorder. Basically, what they mean is that individuals may adopt codependent behaviors as adaptations to stressful or manipulative relationships.
They distinguish between:
- Endogynous codependency: rooted in early developmental trauma or dysfunctional family systems, leading to chronic relational patterns.
- Exogynous codependency: situationally induced behaviors arising in response to a specific problematic partner or relationship context.
This distinction is important because it helps us see codependent behaviors not as a fixed mental illness or identity, but as reactions that might actually make sense in certain situations. This way of thinking allows for more personalized and caring approaches in therapy.
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